Reasons why fearful avoidants struggle with conflict: Tips to combat

Conflicts are natural in any relationship. Contrary to popular beliefs, conflicts are actually healthy as they help us to see the changes and the perspectives of the other person with more clarity.

However, after a conflict, addressing it and finding ways to get back together is also important. For people with fearful attachment style, conflicts can be difficult to manage. They usually have the fear of intimacy and vulnerability, and hence they try to avoid conflicts at all costs.

“Avoiding conflict altogether may seem like a temporary relief, but it hinders growth and resolution in relationships. Expressing needs can be tough for us, as we fear rejection. Instead of blaming ourselves, let’s learn to address issues directly with our partners. Seeing our partner’s perspective and compromising are essential in conflict resolution. It’s time to challenge ourselves and foster empathy and understanding,” wrote Therapist Benjamin Ekorhi.

Perceive conflict as a threat: They see conflicts and chaos in a relationship as a threat that can shake the stability of their relationship. Hence, instead of addressing the problems, they try to avoid conflicts.

Difficulty expressing their needs: As they are afraid of rejection, they also have difficulty in expressing their needs, wants and expectations.

Blaming themselves: People with fearful avoidant attachment style have the urge of blaming themselves and taking responsibility for everything that goes wrong – they try to take it on themselves instead of addressing the issues.

Struggle to compromise: They have difficulty in seeing the perspective of their partner – they struggle to find common grounds to agree on.

Here are a few ways to build healthy resolution skills:

Identify triggers: Practicing self-awareness includes being in knowledge of our own emotions and triggers and knowing how to handle things and situations effectively.

Improve communication: Communication forms one of the building blocks of a healthy relationship. Knowing how to express the needs and wants helps in getting more clarity.

Address issues: instead of procrastinating or avoiding difficult conversations, it is important to address the issues and reconnect with the partner.