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Healing post a break-up Healing post a break-up

Healing post a break-up

Dec 03, 2018

The 2006 romcom The Holiday had an emotional monologue by actress Kate Winslet’s character who talks about heartbreak and being cheated on and not being able to move on.

It’s a teary-eyed moment in the film that actually captures the heartache of one-sided love and the struggle to move on even when you know there is no hope for a relationship.

In the real world, while we struggle with a break-up, celebs have it doubly hard as they are constantly in the limelight. The focus is on their every move as in the case of comedian Pete Davidson and his ex-fiancée Ariana Grande. The celeb exes broke off their engagement after a five-month relationship and are making news for trying to make a fresh start.

Davidson recently revealed that he’s been covering the tattoos that he acquired during his relationship with ex-fiancée Ariana. And that’s one way of starting the healing process. We asked relationship experts to guide people on their way to closure.

‘WHY THE BREAK-UP MOMENT IS ALSO A NEW BEGINNING’

Psychiatrist Dr Hemant Mittal feels that post a break-up, when we are hurting, it’s difficult to see the larger picture. That’s why people fail to realise that the break-up moment is also a new beginning where you open a new chapter in your life. He goes on to add, “Moving on is a slow process, especially if you were attached to someone deeply and thought of him/her as a life-long companion. The first step is normally a lot of sadness, anger and over-thinking.

You keep wondering why things went wrong, you tend to blame a few people and then slowly start accepting it. Understand, that the anger will come, but avoid ranting to friends or on social media. Cut contact from your ex in all forms. Seek a psychiatrist’s help if you are dealing with sadness, depression or suicidal thoughts, and avoid getting into a new romantic relationship within nine months of a break-up.”

Clinical psychologist Seema Hingorrany agrees and adds, “The process of moving on might be difficult for many. It requires time and patience. Healing takes place when there is closure. That means not being in touch with the person at all. The best approach is to keep busy and take on activities which can be therapeutic.”

SEEMA’S GUIDE TO SURVIVING A HEARTACHE

Express your emotions Writing a journal and venting out to a friend or a parent whom you are close to helps. 

Acceptance There might be no answers to why certain things happened. The more you seek them, the more your pain worsens. Hence, let go.

Surround yourself with people who care Be around friends and avoid being alone. It’s perfectly normal to be emotional at this point.

Don’t cling on to your ex The key is not to cling to your ex and seek answers from them. It may not always get you the answers you seek. Sometimes  they lie within and that brings closure.

“Listen. I know it’s hard to believe people when they say I know how you feel. But I actually know how you feel. You see, I was seeing someone, back in London. We worked for the same newspaper, and then I found out that he was also seeing another girl, Sarah, from the circulation department on the nineteen floor. Turned out that he wasn’t in love with me like I thought.

What I am trying to say is I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places that you didn’t know you had inside you. And it doesn’t matter how many new hair cuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of Chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends.

You still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the heel for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he’ll see the light and show up at your door.

And after all that, however long all that may be, you’ll go somewhere new, and you’ll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again, and little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.”

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